Grindhouse

Year: 2007

Running time: 105 minutes (Planet Terror), 127 minutes (Death Proof)

Certificate: 18

Language: English

Screenplay: Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror), Quentin Tarantino (Death Proof)

Director: Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror), Quentin Tarantino (Death Proof)

Starring: Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Michael Biehn, Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews, Stacy Ferguson, Kurt Russell, Zoë Bell, Tracie Thoms, Rosario Dawson, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Vanessa Ferlito, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Jordan Ladd

Things aren't looking good for Dr. Block.

Grindhouse was a smart idea that failed to gain a decent amount of traction with the movie-going public and became a bit of failure for Quentin Tarantino; arguably his first and only so far. Inspired by B-Movie double bills of the 70s, Tarantino worked with Robert Rodriguez to craft a gonzo double bill that paid homage to those old shoddy pictures that would play in drive-ins, right down to the problems caused by cheap film and even missing reels. Following the failure of Grindhouse, the pictures were released as two separate films. I never got the chance to catch Grindhouse in cinemas, as it arrived at the UK already repackaged after a Stateside box office debacle, so I'll be writing about the films as separate entities, but still putting them in the same review as a double bill.

First, to the Rodriguez entry, Planet Terror. A bio-weapon is released in Texas, creating an army of flesh-craving undead. A small group of survivors band together to fight back. That's the entire concept, giving Rodriguez plenty of chance to go for full on excess. He surely doesn't hold back.

Planet Terror is a riot and undoubtedly the star of the show is exotic dancer-turned-zombie slayer Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), opening the film by quitting her underpaid job and running into her ex El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez). The zombie outbreak is caused by a bio-weapon created by chemical engineer Abby (Naveen Andrews). The chemical is released when a military unit led by Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis) attempts to force Abby to give it into their control. Cherry is injured, losing her leg, during an attack and the outbreak really gets out of control while they are recovering at hospital.

Let's be honest; Cherry Darling is pretty damn iconic.

There are some really out there events after this point, and some weird characters, not least Dr. William Block (Josh Brolin), who decides to lock his wife Dr. Dakota Block (Marley Shelton) in a hospital cupboard in revenge after finding out she was having an affair. But not before injecting her hands with anaesthetic, as you do. While William is infected, Dakota manages to escape and get back to her son Tony (Rebel Rodriguez) breaking her numbed hand along the way. And then a really unpleasant turn of events happen involving Tony shooting himself in the face after Dakota gives him a gun to protect himself and telling him not to point the gun at himself. It's really jarring in tone after the horror/action/comedy aesthetic the movie was going for both before and after the event. I'm assuming it is the kind discordant story turn the grindhouse pictures of yesteryear we're paying homage to used to trade in, but I didn't like it.

Cherry, now with a stick attached to her stump serving as a makeshift leg, Dakota and El Wray are taken prisoner by Muldoon's goons, who are now infected and staving off mutation by hording and inhaling Abby's supply of the gas. They are looking into the possibility of a cure by rounding up survivors, who appear to be immune. During the fight to escape, Cherry and El Wray replace her wooden leg with a machine gun/grenade launcher combo, allowing her to lay waste to zombies. We end with Cherry leading the effort to set up a new society in the midst of the now-international outbreak, sporting a mini-gun on her stump.

While I wasn't loving it, Planet Terror certainly doesn't hold back with its gruesome concept and you've really got to hand it to it for committing to its bizarre premise to the end. The watchword here is excess, and it does cause me to slightly lose interest before the end. Worth a look, but I wouldn't say it's worth a second one.

Stuntman Mike has murder on his mind.

Maybe I'm biased towards Tarantino (although I am a fan of Rodriguez too), but Death Proof did quite a lot more for me than Planet Terror did. Although it has some of the same look that Planet Terror did (the deliberate attempt to make the picture feel a little 'drive-in') it is still most definitely recognisable as a Tarantino film. Filled with music, and taking long stretches of time to establish the characters with loads of dialogue, lingering shots of women's feet all punctuated with explosive moments of action and intense violence.

Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) is a serial killer, stalking women and murdering them using his 'death proof' car, which is specially outfitted as a stunt car, protecting Mike as he orchestrates deadly crashes. Pretty grim subject matter all told, but again feels like it was probably par for the course with those grindhouse flicks of the past.

Local radio personality Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier) is out for the night with her friends Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito) and Shanna (Jordan Ladd) for a drink before heading away for the weekend. Unfortunately for them and for Pam (Rose McGowan), also at the same bar that night, they run into Stuntman Mike. The night ends badly for all of them as Mike arranges a fatal 'accident' for all of them, only to survive thanks to his death proof car.

More than a match for Mike.

Once he's recovered from his non-fatal injuries, Mike then begins the whole process again with a new quartet of women: Abernathy (Rosario Dawson), Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), Kim (Tracie Thoms) and Zoë (Zoë Bell). Zoë is essentially playing herself, being an accomplished stuntwoman both in the film and in her own right.

The climax of Death Proof is an impressive car chase set piece where Mike chases the women with poor Zoë strapped to the bonnet of the girls' car. It has quite a satisfying ending with Mike getting his comeuppance, which involves him getting the shit kicked out of him by the rightly furious women.

It is, to be honest, lesser Tarantino, but still worthy of a spot in his collection for his trademark shooting style, dialogue, music and brief moments of shocking violence.

Overall it's diverting enough, but not a stand out in the filmography of either Rodriguez or Tarantino.

Score:
Planet Terror: 6/10
Death Proof: 7/10

Despite the relatively poor box office performance, reviews out there are generally positive. Andrew at Den of Geek wasn't overly wild about Planet Terror but it seems he vastly prefers it over Death Proof, and Nick at Empire thought it was pretty good. Death Proof is generally better reviewed, when considering reviews like these ones from Damon at Empire and Chris at Eye for Film.

Ghostbusters

Year: 1984 (Original), 1989 (Sequel), 2016 (Remake)
Running time: 105 minutes (Original), 108 minutes (Sequel), 116 minutes (Remake)
Certificate: PG (Original, Sequel), 12 (Remake)
Language: English
Screenplay: Dan Ackroyd, Harold Ramis (Original, Sequel), Katie Dippold, Paul Feig (Remake)
Director: Ivan Reitman (Original, Sequel), Paul Feig (Remake)
Starring: Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson, Sigourney Weaver, Rick Moranis, Annie Potts, William Atherton, David Margulies, Slavitza Jovan, Peter MacNicol, Kurt Fuller, Wilhelm von Homburg, Will Deutschendorf, Hank Deutschendorf, Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Chris Hemsworth, Neil Casey

I can’t remember exactly how old I was when I first saw Ghostbusters, but I know I was young. Embarrassingly, it scared the bejesus out of me, so I was quite a bit older when next I saw it and was able to see it for was it was – a supernatural comedy bordering on genius. Ray Stantz (Dan Ackroyd) and Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis) are studying parapsychology at Columbia University. Also 'studying', although, perhaps simply tagging along, is Peter Venkman (Bill Murray). The three of them are trying to collect evidence of the existence of ghosts, and in an opening scene as memorable and famous as Raiders of the Lost Ark, they find just that in a New York library. Thrown out of the University, the three of them pool their (mostly Ray's) resources and go in to business as 'Ghostbusters'. After a shaky start, business begins to boom in the wake of a visit to a hotel to meet and catch a 'class 5 full roaming vapor', better known to us as Slimer.

First ghost busted, Venkman and Spengler make up the bill on the fly.

The increase in supernatural activity heralds the coming of Sumerian god of destruction Gozer (Slavitza Jovan). Gozer happens to be dropping in on the penthouse apartment of Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver). Dana has been in touch with the Ghostbusters to report unusual goings-on in her kitchen, with Dana eventually being possessed by Zuul, one of Gozer's minions and demi-god in her own right. The three scientists have an easy chemistry together that makes the movie great fun to watch over and over. When Ernie Hudson joins them as Winston Zeddmore (the character names are just brilliantly implausible), he adds a touch of everyman to the three super-geniuses (ok, maybe two super-geniuses and Venkman) that makes for a great comedic mix. Each of them have their moments, as do put-upon secretary Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts) and Lewis Tully (Rick Moranis - a truly gifted and under-rated physical comedian), an accountant also living in Dana's building in supporting roles.

The show-stealer here is, as you might expect, Bill Murray in what is still one of his signature roles. His scenes with Sigourney Weaver are a joy to watch - they're one of those onscreen couples that have that chemistry, that spark that is a perfect fit for romantic comedy. Most of his lines are eminently quotable – the exchange with meddling EPA officer Walter Peck (William Atherton) ending with "Yes it's true; this man has no dick" being one of the first to spring to mind.

It is the 1980s, so as you’d expect the effects and the music are slightly dated, but due to the quality of the writing and the obvious care with which it’s been made, these problems are easily overcome. The writing, the quality and chemistry of the cast and the spot-on mix of comedy and supernatural adventure come together in a film that I genuinely don't think I could ever get tired of.

Experiments in mood slime.

The sequel arrived 5 years later, and while it is undeniably an attempt to pretty much rerun the original with a couple of cosmetic differences, I find it to be every bit as well written, funny and enjoyable as the original. It's unavoidable I suppose that it gets maligned by many fans due to its too-obvious similarities, but, like Gremlins 2, I'm just having too much fun to give it a hard time (the courtroom set piece after they get arrested for digging up the sidewalk is a particular highlight). All the original cast return to take on Vigo (Wilhelm von Homburg) a bloodthirsty tyrannical sorcerer from the 16th Century, whose malevolent spirit resides in a painting, preparing to be reborn by possessing Dana's baby son Oscar (twins Will and Hank Deutschendorf) just in time for New Year.

It seems old Vigo is feeding off the negative energy of New York, so our heroes need to harness whatever positive energy is left to take him on. And yes, that is every bit as cheesy as it sounds, but as with the first film, there is enough talent to pull it off. So despite the critical drubbing Ghostbusters 2 got, for me they are both pretty evenly matched.

And then there is the remake. Rather than assume my childhood is ruined and take to the Internet to declare it a terrible idea, like so many other penis-having fans did ("Ain't no bitches gonna bust no ghosts" declared one online moron, a line which was actually used in the film), I waited to watch it first before forming an opinion. Although, whenever someone tries to remake a film with a place in the history of popular culture such as Ghostbusters, there always tends to be a question of 'Why?', gender politics notwithstanding - for another example, see Gus Van Sant's lamentable Psycho remake.

The talent was certainly there - Paul Feig has a decent track record, and Melissa McCarthy is undoubtedly funny. in addition, Kristen Wiig is pretty much one of the finest comedians working in film today. There are differences, but the plot generally follows a similar outline of the first two, only with new characters. All of the original cast show up in cameos at some point, save Rick Moranis and the sadly deceased Harold Ramis, which is a nice way to show the makers had the support of the people behind the first two.

2016 Ghostbusters, bustin' ghosts.

Yes, the genders of all the characters are reversed, and no, it does not make one iota of difference. I think it works having the Ghostbusters all the same gender (or at least incompatible sexual preferences), because then there is no attempt to shoehorn some unnecessary romantic subplot in, and the group can bond as a group of good friends instead. The hostile reaction to the film was way out of proportion, with Leslie Jones even getting slated for not being attractive enough for the mouth-breathing masses - I wonder if Ernie Hudson had the same problems in 1984?

So putting all that aside and considering the film on its own merits, trying not to be influenced by the franchise's beloved status, what's it like? It's ok, I suppose. It's quite funny in parts, all the cast do well in slightly underwritten parts, the standout being Kate McKinnon as the slightly wired nuclear engineer Jillian Holtzmann, and there is plenty of supernatural adventure sprinkled with jokes. But it's not great, not by a long shot. Set up to fail by a rabid mostly-male fanbase it might have been, but even were that not the case, it's hard to see this being good enough to launch an extended Ghostbusters franchise, as was the intention.

A stone-cold classic original, an under-rated, almost as good sequel, and a 'meh' remake.

Score:
Ghostbusters (1984): 9/10
Ghostbusters 2: 8/10
Ghostbusters (2016): 5/10

Going back to 1984 shows a surprisingly mixed bag of reviews for Ghostbusters, as shown by this review by Arthur at The Hollywood Reporter and this less than impressed one by Janet at The New York Times. This article by Seb at Den of Geek makes a fine case for reappraising the sequel, citing as I've done the courtroom scene, but also pointing out Harold Ramis' superb deadpan delivery. Finally, while I'm pleased the remake is reviewed better than I'd feared, I think this review by Matt at Wired is wildly over-effusive in its praise.

Gremlins

Year: 1984 (Gremlins), 1990 (Gremlins 2)
Running time: 106 minutes
Certificate: 15 (Gremlins), 12 (Gremlins 2)
Language: English
Screenplay: Chris Columbus (Gremlins), Charles S. Haas (Gremlins 2)
Director: Joe Dante
Starring: Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, Frances Lee McCain, Corey Feldman, Dick Miller, Jackie Joseph, Keye Luke, Polly Holliday, Judge Reinhold, Glynn Turman, John Glover, Robert Prosky, Robert Picardo, Christopher Lee, Haviland Morris, Kathleen Freeman, Gedde Watanabe, Tony Randall (voice)

Billy and Gizmo try to save Kingston Falls.

Some films are so much better suited to a certain time period. If either Gremlins or its sequel were released now, I doubt they would work as well. The films were shot back in the time of practical effects and the puppet work on display is extraordinary. They would almost certainly be replaced by CGI today, and as a result I have no doubt they would lose much of the humour that makes them so great. That said, it's probably only a matter of time before they do remake them. They are, in fact, doing that very thing to Thunderbirds right now over in New Zealand, although Peter Jackson's and Weta Digital's involvement is encouraging, because if anyone can make CGI look less soulless, it's those folks.

Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton) is looking for a Christmas present for his son Billy (Zach Galligan). In a dark back alley he finds a shop run by the very elderly Mr Wing (Keye Luke) and his grandson (John Louie) where he acquires a mogwai, a fantastical creature he decides will be perfect for Billy. Peltzer is given three rules about caring for the mogwai - keep him out of the light, especially sunlight, which is fatal, don't get him wet, and don't feed him after midnight. Billy loves his present, promptly names it Gizmo and it doesn't take long for Billy's friend Pete Fountaine (Corey Feldman) to break the second rule, by accidentally knocking a glass of water over Gizmo. It turns out breaking the second rule leads to reproduction. Gizmo's offspring are jolly unpleasant little things, and set out to cause havoc from the off.

Gremlins: digging Disney.

The film steps up a gear when Billy is tricked into feeding them after midnight and they go into slimy cocoons that look a little like the eggs from Alien. It's here we discover that mogwais are like caterpillars and go through a metamorphosis, only instead of butterflies, you get scaly, murderous little fuckers the paranoid neighbour Murray Futterman (Dick Miller) names gremlins.

For a while after this point, Gremlins is a cracking little horror story in which the newly-hatched gremlins, led by Stripe get revenge on a blood sample-taking science teacher Mr Hanson (Glynn Turman) and terrify Billy's poor mother Lynn (Frances Lee McCain). But when Stripe finds his way into the local swimming pool, it changes to something else entirely, as a knee-high army of gremlins start to take over the town: suddenly it’s a series of comedy skits that come across as a live action Warner Bros. cartoon and any story simply disappears. There are many brief moments of blackly comic brilliance in every scene, from Mr Futterman and his wife Sheila (Jackie Joseph) having a snow plow driven through their house, through mean old woman Mrs Deagle (Polly Holliday) flying out of an upstairs window to her death after her stair lift is tampered with to a set of genius skits all taking place in the local bar.

Billy, Kate and newly Rambo-ised Gizmo brace themselves for more anarchy.

The moment during all the chaos when everything stops and Kate Beringer (Phoebe Cates - my biggest teenage movie crush? It's either Phoebe Cates or Meg Ryan in Innerspace) tells the tragic story of the death of her father, it has got to be one of the most blackly comic moments in film history, a moment which is perfectly spoofed in the sequel where the suggestion that Kate had a traumatic experience as a child involving a guy dressed as Abe Lincoln sparking uneasy laughter. It saunters its way up to the boundary of good taste, and, frankly, just keeps going, but in director Joe Dante's hands, the movie gets away with it.

There's something satisfyingly right about the gremlins meeting their end while laughing their asses off at Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in a cinema. Being such a huge part of my childhood, Gremlins is kind of synonymous with the movies for me, and I guess that's why it fits so perfectly for me. Stripe, having escaped the movie theatre meltdown, is on the verge of triggering the next generation at a mall water fountain when the first rule is broken and the sunlight melts him in a spectacularly gross death scene.

Preparing to take New York with a song.

The sequel retreads pretty much the same ground, just transporting the story to a New York skyscraper, and adding genetic engineering into the mix to brilliantly creative effect: “They come in electric too?” Billy and Kate now live together in New York and they both work in the headquarters of developer / media mogul Daniel Clamp (John Glover). Following the death of Mr Wing, Gizmo finds himself trapped in the lab of Dr Catheter (Christopher Lee). Events conspire to get Billy and Gizmo together and to get Gizmo wet and well, the movie tag line 'Here they grow again' says it all really. Dante once again cracks the black comedy into overdrive and it's once more a case of sitting back and enjoying the crazy as it flies past in quickfire skits. The fact that it is pretty much the same film in a different setting does Gremlins 2 no harm whatsoever, because the viewer is too busy laughing themselves into a stroke to notice.

Great, great stuff, but you may have to be part of a certain age group to appreciate it fully.

Score:
Gremlins: 8/10
Gremlins 2: The New Batch: 8/10

It's very hard not to love the anarchic spirit Dante injects into these films - see this review of Gremlins by Nathan and Scott and this one of its sequel by David.

Ghost in the Shell

Year: 1995 (Ghost in the Shell), 2004 (Ghost in the Shell 2)
Running time: 83 minutes (Ghost in the Shell), 100 minutes (Ghost in the Shell 2)
Certificate: 15
Language: Japanese
Screenplay: Kazunori Itô (Ghost in the Shell), Mamoru Oshii (Ghost in the Shell 2)
Director: Mamoru Oshii
Starring (voices): Atsuko Tanaka, Akio Ôtsuka, Tamio Ôki, Iemasa Kayumi, Kôichi Yamadera

The Major takes a moment to think.

Japanese animation is unique in a number of ways. Firstly, it is generally aimed at a much older and more sophisticated audience than animation in the western world is. In Japan it has a huge fan base, but it usually fails to find much more than cult appeal in American and European markets. In 1995, Mamoru Oshii was set to change all that. His futuristic cyber-thriller Ghost in the Shell was going to be the big cross-over hit that Akira so very nearly was. It was a bold vision, it was ambitious, it was...not to be. Despite all-round positive reactions from two thumbs up from Siskel & Ebert to gushing praise from James Cameron, it wasn't the hit its makers were hoping for. By the time the sequel arrived in 2004, however, Ghost in the Shell had finally conquered Hollywood, albeit rather more under the radar than was originally expected. Which is fitting, really. The Matrix trilogy is, pretty much, a three film live action remake in so many ways; thematically, stylistically, and even on a number of specific plot points The Wachowskis blatantly lift a ton of stuff from Ghost in the Shell.

A glimpse of some of the gorgeous Blade Runner-like
imagery.

It is with good reason that Ghost in the Shell is so venerated, as the artistry with which it is created is frankly mind boggling - the landscapes have a gorgeous Blade Runner-esque look that makes merely soaking up the imagery a joy. But the subject matter is also engaging. Set in a future where almost everyone is part cyborg, the story follows two government operatives Major Motoko Kusanagi (Atsuko Tanaka) and her partner Batau (Akio Ôtsuka), who are working for Japan's anti-terrorist division Section 6. While attempting to track down a mysterious entity who is able to hack pretty much any system, anywhere, Motoko and Batau find themselves on the trail of The Puppet Master (Iemasa Kayumi), a sentient program also known as Project 2501, a name which suggests it was created by the very government hunting for it. Project 2501 is looking for a body, and the Major may be just what it's been looking for.

While there is some of the graphic nudity and violence associated with Japanese animation, particularly in the show-stopping opening scenes, Ghost in the Shell is far from a non-stop orgy of action. It takes time to examine deeper undercurrents, and thinks nothing of slowing or even stopping the plot altogether to allow its characters to consider philosophical questions on what it means to be alive. By enhancing yourself using cybernetic implants and upgrades, as both Motoko and Batau have done to a great degree, are you sacrificing your humanity? The 'ghost' of the title refers to the small spark of life that remains inside the cybernetically enhanced 'shells' many people give up their flesh and blood for. If a person is entirely machine, are they still considered alive, do they not have a soul? Why? Should they not have the same right to exist as anyone? What, in the end, defines life?

Batau struggles on alone.

The sequel raises similar questions, albeit from a different perspective. When a pleasure model commits a brutal murder, one of a recent spate, we follow the now Motoko-less Batau as he attempts to solve the mystery of why. Batau feels somehow less than he was, and it seems he lost part of himself when his partner merged with Project 2501. Like the first film, Ghost in the Shell 2 has its moments of action and plot-forwarding, but won't think twice about putting the story on hold to mull over philosophical arguments or simply spend some down-time with Batau and his beloved dog. While some may find these changes of pace maddening, for me it enhanced the experience of watching hugely. Ghost in the Shell 2 is as much about Batau's attempts to move on without Motoko (although the body-less Major can still communicate and offer net-based assistance occasionally, which must make it much harder if not impossible for Batau to move on) and learning to work with his new partner Togusa (Kôichi Yamadera) as it is about solving the mystery of the killer sex robots.

Jaw-dropping animation.

Time is taken to consider the rights of the robot population; when you get right down to it, what, if any, is the difference between human life and any other life - particularly artificial in this case. Do you really need the 'ghost' in the 'shell' to be truly alive? We're not talking humans turning into machines here, like in the first movie, but life, sentient life artificial from the outset. Who decides and who defines what life is? The imagery is utterly jaw-dropping - the mixing of CGI with hand-drawn animation is genuinely incredible, so even if you don’t wish to consider the larger questions raised, you still have an artistic masterpiece to appreciate.

Both Ghost in the Shell and its sequel are entertaining and thought-provoking, which is exactly what a good film should be, but I suspect the changeable pace, which slows to a standstill at times, won't be for everyone.

Score:
Ghost in the Shell: 8/10
Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence: 8/10

Ghost in the Shell and its sequel are held in high regard: see these reviews of the original and the sequel at Cyberpunk Review and these by Fransisco: Ghost in the Shell,Ghost in the Shell 2.

The Goonies

Year: 1985
Running time: 114 minutes
Certificate: 12
Language: English
Screenplay: Chris Columbus
Director: Richard Donner
Starring: Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, Jeff Cohen, Corey Feldman, Jonathan Ke Quan, Kerri Green, Martha Plimpton, Robert Davi, Joe Pantoliano, Anne Ramsey, John Matuszak

Mouth still hadn't realised the map was upside down.

There are many films that you remember fondly from your childhood, but a good percentage of them aren’t so wonderful when you revisit them in later life. Fortunately, The Goonies is one film definitely not in that camp. It's great fun right from the off, with intro music that catches the mood of the period exactly (somehow the film feels stranded in its 80s time period and yet is still timeless) sound-tracking great introductions to our main characters.

A group of kids are soon to be evicted from their homes by evil developers and only a big pile of money coming from nowhere will save them. After finding an old treasure map, they decide to go on an adventure in the very best Spielberg tradition, but the criminal Fratelli family - Mama (Anne Ramsey), Jake (Robert Davi) and Francis (Joe Pantoliano) - are giving chase.

The scenes of the central cast together are buzzing with a natural comedic energy that only kids having fun have, going off at bizarre tangents, but the plot still races along like it’s on rails. Every one of the characters, with the unfortunate exception of the girls Andy (Kerri Green) and Stef (Martha Plimpton), who are there mostly to scream and kiss, is a gem, but in particular it is Mouth (Corey Feldman) and Chunk (Jeff Cohen) who stand out as the comedy highlights – witness the ‘translation’ of simple house-keeping instructions into Spanish (not real Spanish, but, hey, it's a kids comedy/adventure/fantasy movie, accuracy be damned!) and a well-timed Marx Brothers-esque line by Mouth and the time when Chunk is locked in the freezer with a corpse, or he tells the Fratellis everything, culminating in a genius confession of a time when young Chunk had fun with some fake vomit. These were talented youngsters to have such outstanding comic timing and delivery.

One-Eyed Willie was proving a poor choice of dinner guest.

The central character of Mikey, played by a young Sean 'Samwise Gamgee’ Astin is a little less convincing, but still good enough. The more sombre moments don’t come across as well as the comedy, with the exception of Corey Feldman’s Mouth, who is surprisingly effective when he turns off the laughs and reveals the disillusioned kid underneath who’s bitter about losing his home and effectively his childhood before he was ready.

On top of everything, the character of Sloth (John Matuszak) is simply a masterstroke – what kid could fail to love this neglected, ice-cream and chocolate-loving giant? The gang finally make their way to the X on the map, realised by an impressively large set filled with water and a huge pirate ship captained by the skeleton of One-Eyed Willie himself, where the showdown with the Fratellis takes place (complete with another great physical gag from Feldman who, thanks to some clever cutting, appears to have a mouth that can hold enormous quantities of treasure).

Huge fun and a childhood classic (depending on your age, obviously) that has never lost its touch.

Score: 8/10

As you might expect, the strong streak of nostalgia mixed with the quality of the mood and cast chemistry makes The Goonies well loved out there - see these reviews by the Massie Twins and Josh at Blog Critics.

Grosse Pointe Blank

Year: 1997
Running time: 107 minutes
Certificate: 15
Language: English
Screenplay: Tom Jankiewicz, D. V. DeVincentis, Steve Pink, John Cusack
Director: George Armitage
Starring: John Cusack, Minnie Driver, Alan Arkin, Dan Ackroyd, Joan Cusack, Hank Azaria, K. Todd Freeman, Jeremy Piven, Mitch Ryan, Michael Cudlitz

Well read and deadly: the man has it all.

This story of a hit-man returning to his hometown for a high school reunion starring the ever great John Cusack is an absolute gem. Steeped in nostalgic 80s sensibility (which isn’t half as bad as it sounds), Martin Q. Blank (Cusack) is a hit-man who wants to retire, returning to his hometown to pull off one last job. His visit coincides with the ten year anniversary of his graduation. Cusack does a fine job capturing that strange nostalgic yet freaked out feeling that accompanies coming face to face with old school friends after a decade. When he meets up with old friend Paul Spericki (Jeremy Piven), the two of them seem to pick up almost like they saw each other yesterday, until Paul's sudden outburst: "Ten years!"

Blank begins to reconnect with his roots to the sound of The Clash, David Bowie & Queen, Violent Femmes and a bunch of others in a great soundtrack that actually manages to make the 80s sound like a good decade for music. Some moments are quite sombre, for example when he visits each of his parents – a mentally disabled mother in a home who doesn’t recognise her son, and a father buried in the ground at a quiet gravesite. Other parts are played for laughs, such as finding a convenience store has been built on the site of his childhood home and reacquainting himself with his high school sweetheart Debi (Minnie Driver), whom he left heartbroken on the night of the school prom. Dan Ackroyd is on scene stealing form as Mr. Grocer, a rival assassin who first wants to induct Blank into his union for hit-men and then just tries to kill him, but the show remains Cusack’s from beginning to end.

The hit-man and her.

The soul searching sparked by the wave of memories and nostalgia (and a surprisingly emotionally affecting scene involving a staring contest with a baby) causes Blank to re-evaluate his life and he decides to get back together with Debi, provided he can survive the rival assassins and corrupt government agents long enough to convince her to take him back.

Full of great music and dialogue, deliciously black comedy and terrific acting, as well as a healthy dollop of romance and the effortlessly cool Cusack, this is superb fun from start to finish.

Score: 8/10

Rob is in broad agreement, as is Caroline at Empire.

The Golden Compass

Year: 2007
Running time: 113 minutes
Certificate: PG
Language: English
Screenplay: Chris Weitz
Director: Chris Weitz
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Dakota Blue Richards, Eva Green, Sam Elliott, Ian McKellen (voice), Ben Walker, Freddie Highmore (voice)


Lrya searches for truth.

High on the success of The Lord of the Rings, and bolstered by the fact that Harry Potter was fast becoming the biggest grossing movie series in history, New Line thought they were onto another fantasy adaptation winner by developing Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. The most obvious sign that they slipped up big time is the fact that New Line has stopped any and all work on the sequels, both of which were green-lit before the first part had been released. This is not, as many on the Christian right would have it, because the film is a "war on Christmas" (Bill O'Reilly, as over the top and ridiculous as ever), it is because it made $85 million from a budget of about $180 million. O'Reilly seems to have neglected to notice the film has been all but stripped of any anti-religious message. After watching it for half an hour or so, you’ll be able to see why it fared so badly; it is dreadful. Dreadful. Where Potter and Rings have forged their own movie legacy, while being respectful of and retaining the essence of their source material, this simply tries to make a buck off the back of a trend.

Set in an alternative retro-futurist (if that's possible) British city where people have their souls on the outside in the form of deamons (although that is simplifying the concept horribly; deamons are more a reflection of the soul and in children represent the potential for sin), and everyone lives under the influence of the Magisterium, a religious organisation that was conceived by Pullman as an oppressive alternative Catholic Church, but here it is re-imagined more as a 1984-style Government. Children begin to disappear and when her best friend Roger (Ben Walker) goes missing Lyra Belacqua (Dakota Blue Richards) decides to try to find him and save him. On her journey she meets gypsies, a talking and brawling polar bear king-in-exile (an impressive CG creation voiced by Ian McKellen), witches (led by Eva Green's Serafina Pekkala) and a balloon-riding adventurer named Lee Scoresby (Sam Elliott).

Mrs. Coulter: beautiful, sophisticated, evil.

To help her in her quest she has an Alethiometer, the Golden Compass of the title (although I much prefer the UK title Northern Lights), capable of revealing the truth, a precious commodity where a number of the people Lyra meets have secret agendas. The villain of the piece is Magisterium-backed Mrs. Coulter (Nicole Kidman, who has never looked so incredible and is delightfully evil and the best thing in the film by miles), who is behind the kidnappings and heads up horrific experiments involving forcibly separating children from their deamons.

Daniel Craig plays Lord Asriel, a man on a mission to wage multi-dimensional war on the Magisterium and, in the novels, bring down god himself (beautifully imagined by Pullman as a senile useless shell, propped up entirely by the might of the powerful Magisterium). The lengths to which Lord Asriel is prepared to go to fight ensures, however, that he is no friend of Lyra's.

So what went wrong? It looks gorgeous, both in terms of scenery and characters, and the bear fight is highly impressive (although oddly bloodless, particularly when one of the fighters gets his entire lower jaw ripped off - the price you pay for a PG rating, I guess), but this is not nearly enough to succeed. It feels, for want of a better word, soulless, with the lush visuals failing to cover up a script that has no understanding of the themes of the novel, and turns events and layers and complexities into simple meetings and dull conversations, which in turn, are nothing more than excuses to get to the next meeting and conversation, pointing Lyra in the right direction. No character has a point beyond a brief conversation with Lyra. You can understand why much of the anti-religious undercurrent was removed, but it leaves some elements of the story not making sense - if the deamons don't represent the potential for sin, why is the church (Magisterium) separating them from their children, leaving the kids well-behaved lifeless husks (or dead or dying)? You can't make a story about destroying an outdated corrupt religion marketable to a country in which most people are believers in that very same religion. Everything is lost in translation.


One of countless alternate versions of one city.

It’s not like they didn’t have talent. Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Ian McKellen, Sam Elliot and Eva Green are all outstanding actors. In the lead role, newcomer Dakota Blue Richards does well; her Lyra strikes you as smart, confident and capable, but still naïve and innocent, just like Pullman's heroine should be. And it isn’t like they didn’t have the material to work with. The trilogy of books is intelligent, frightening, beautiful, heartbreaking and utterly, utterly fantastic. What it needed was a director and script that understood that and didn’t just want to make eye candy to generate revenue.

A crushing disappointment.

Score: 2/10

Owen at Entertainment Weekly thought much the same but critic royalty Roger Ebert is, on this occasion, wronger than a wrong thing.